We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
