North Korea, Best Korea!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
