If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
