The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize