their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
