i jhust puked up my retainher.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
