Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Such a big mess for such a small penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
