I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
