hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
