you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
