You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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