I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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