In the future we'll all be gay
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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