Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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