she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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