so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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