I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
