direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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