Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
