even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
