turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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