Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
