help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
