dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
