I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
