Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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