god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
