i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
