i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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