the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize