Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize