Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
