It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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