she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize