goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
