I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
