oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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