Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
