i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
