Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize