i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
