addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
