Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This house was built for laser tag.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
