It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In other news, I just burned my penis
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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