My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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