While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
