I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
