meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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