Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize