YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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