What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
