Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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