I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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