her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
