She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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