I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
