Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
