I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
