what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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