just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
