i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
