Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
